Moving On

Graf 18

2005-12-13T10:39:00.000-05:00

I really impressed myself with my process essay on The Grateful Dead tune. I have had all those thoughts in my head for so long. I've said bits and pieces of it to my friends in the past, but to be able to turn it in and have someone read my feelings for it is a lot more meaningful! I have always wanted to write about music, particularly that song. Finally, I had the chance and the perfect teacher to appreciate it, which meant a lot to me. I will hold onto that paper forever. It made me very proud of myself.

Graf 17

2005-12-13T10:29:00.000-05:00

When I first attended this class, I was worried that I wouldn't keep up with all of the assignments or that I wouldn't have enough ideas to write about. Well, now I can say I have done things in my life that are more significant than I thought. To be able to write an essay on things like a specific song, the differences here in Maine, and best of all; learn how to cook!! The topics I picked really surprised me, even more when it worked and the essay passed.
I learned a new way of writing. A way to attract the reader. I learned to consider the reader, which most of the time will be my teachers. I also learned to pull myself away from being the writer and act as if it were someone else's essay in order to make my piece the best it can be.
This course was well worth my time and money. I have developed more confidence in my writing within all those five graf essays we had to write; and I must say, I can put an essay together pretty damn fast!
I loved this whole blog idea. It was so nice to go on and check what I had written had ALWAYS been read AND commented on, every single time! I would suggest keeping that. It was also a nice way to vent or just ramble on about something in my life I was upset about. I plan on continuing to use my blog only I won't have any comments to read.
Overall this class was well worth every penny, thank you for that John.

Prompt 14

2005-12-09T19:40:00.000-05:00

My Summer Vacation...

Senior year summer. They say it will be the best and holy shit was it. I was best friends with the two coolest chicks in my high school...in my opinion of course. We were so alike...Shanette, Jacquie, and Allison, we didn't need last names when we were talked about in a group of three.
Everyone was planning their senior trips in Cancun, Florida, and wherever else people go. In January, us girls were just trying to smoke some, not plan out our senior trips JEEZ!...We didn't have money for shit like that anyway, our parents weren't paying for our college- at least mine weren't. So April comes around and us girls plan on a trip to camp out at Cape Cod for a week. We had no idea what was coming to us.
It was the first time us three would be fully on our own to cook dinner and keep up with chores. We weren't worried though. So we filled our cars as if they were a duffle bags. I rode down alone which was an amazing experience. I had never went on a long ride by myself and just riding with those windows down and music up was like I was in a dream. When I arrived my friends had already set up the stuff they had. So we unpacked the rest.
The first three days it rained. Not exactly what we panned on but we made it work. Water began getting into our tent so we decided to try and dig a moat around the tent, which didn't work out to well. We only got about a quarter of the way around. So we repositioned our tarps and that seemed to work better. Even though it rained we had a wonderful time just sitting in the tent being lazy and laughing our asses off at eachother.
When the rain stopped that was when the real fun started. We went on beautiful scenic rides, took hikes, and explored the doons of the cape. Seafood was our main meal but we of course had the traditional food over the fire; steak, "my famous burgers" as my friends would call it. We drank and listened to tunes; just had a wonderful time. Our vacation wasn't officially over until we got off the exit of our town because even the ride home was a good time.
I will never forget our senior trip or that it can't ever happen again. First off, one of my best friends is married, and second, the other goes away to Nantuket every summer. But at least I can still dream back to that week and smile.

Prompt 13

2005-12-09T19:29:00.000-05:00

April Fools times 30

"Ok kids, school is going to be dismissed today, we can't tell you why but will everyone please line up in the hallway beside the lockers."
Obviously April Fools, and no it wasn't snowing. There really was no reason to send us 4th graders home. My mom worked in the cafeteria of the middle school and as this was happening I'm yelling to my principal, who made the announcement.
"Mr. Hopping! I have to go tell my mom or I can't go home!"
"I know, don't worry, I'll send your teacher down right now to tell her" he says back to me.
I remember my friends and I were so excited to be getting out of school so early and for no apparent reason. I was panicking about my mom though. I wouldn't know where to go if she wasn't waiting out front for me, I didn't think I was allowed in the kitchen where I was a student there.
My friends suddenly seemed too busy inviting each other over and planning out what they were going to do as I got more worries. I'm repeatedly telling my principal........In a loud voice..."I have to go tell my mom!"
He looks at me, everyone still talking with so much excitement......

"APRIL FOOLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Back to class everybody..."

Freestyle 14

2005-12-09T19:20:00.000-05:00

I am so amazed as to how much I grow after each class I take at a college level. I learn more than just the academics like my high school teachers would lecture to my peers and I. Each professor always says something or assigns a particular task to do that opens my view on something in a new, different way. They all help me to grow into the person I really am, which I'm not so sure I have found just yet. It is my second year of college, I have been to three different colleges, and out of all twelve professors I have had, I feel have learned about a life worth of lessons or opinions to consider. I can't imagine how much more I am going to learn through my own mistakes, but to have the wisdom of a professor at the tip of your fingures is just bliss. It's like talking to an elderly couple and listening to the stories they have to tell from their life. Wisdom...something I hope to have one day - not easily achieved though, I know that.

Prompt 11

2005-12-04T13:32:00.000-05:00

The pin pricks your finger, you feel nothing
When you expect it, you prepare yourself. That way you don't feel the pain because you have gotten ready for it. This happened to me the other day. We were going over the notes on blood in my Human Biology class. Which by the way, is the most interesting class I have ever taken.
Anyway, we were learning about the different types of blood. I was so interested because I hadn't known what my blood type was. So we did a lab on telling our blood types. We had three slides and we had to poke ourselves with this....sterile prickery thing. I tried going it but I just couldn't break the skin. My teacher ended up doing it for me. I didn't feel a thing, like a bee sting, it hurt after when the blood began to clot.
We squeezed out as much blood as we possibly could, dropped some A, B, and RH antibodies in there and what do you know, I'm B-.

Graph 16

2005-11-07T11:31:00.000-05:00

I enjoyed this essay assignment like the comparison one. I have spent many days thinking about the differences in my lifestyle; the three I chose to talk about were ones I noticed myself thinking about the past several days. However, there are so many more differences in a life in Maine to a life in Massachusetts. I found it easy to write and fun to as well, mainly because the things people do in MA are so bizarre and you wonder just whyyyyyy they are screaming in the streets at 2 in the morn, or 6 in the morning. Or why the hell can't you just put on a blinker! Anyway, I had fun writing it, I love talking crap about where I am from, just because I know how bad it can be!

Graph 15

2005-10-28T11:12:00.000-04:00

I always like writing about the diner I use to work at. It was my topic for my essay when first applying to get into college. I feel like I have beeing working there for so long that I could tell a million stories about that place and I love doing it. An interesting thing about the diner is if I am to ever move back home, I know I will have a job there, or Paul will call me in even if I don't want the job there. It's kind of annoying and that is part of the reason why I moved away! haha I did like writing this classification essay though...more than the cause essay which I still haven't finished. I hope this one will pass, I feel it should so I guess we'll see.

Classification Essay

2005-10-24T12:31:00.000-04:00

Me and the Early Birds

"Am I early this week?" "Yes you sure are" says Paul, my boss at Paul's Diner. My alarm goes off at 5:30 am on a rainy Saturday morning. It is pitch black out, like I had never even gone to sleep that night. I arrive, freezing from my two minute ride to the diner. I enter with half the lights still off. Paul and his assistant, Everton, are running around defrosting home fries and pre-heating the sausages. Paul started the coffees but hardly put a dent in them considering there are 12 plus the two flavors of the season. I hit my leg about every other table when I take down the chairs from the previous afternoon of mopping. Stacking containers filled with jelly packets into my arms I put them on the table, as quickly as I can. I try to carry as many as I can to try and lessen the amount of trips. I still end up making four or five before all 21 tables have their own. I then repeat the process with the ketchup's. Why do they take them off the table anyway?While I am finishing up the coffees Paul always is sure to ask, "Ready Shanette?" "You bet Paul" I answer with enthusiasm, I know managers like to be reassured you love your job. Do I really though? The ones waiting in their cars in the parking lot are waved to come on in. Three tables already waiting for their coffees, I hurry so I can have my own. Their orders are simple and take less time than getting their drinks.I have four sips of my coffee before Paul is calling my name to deliver their food, "He's too fast" I think to myself. I say goodbye as more people pile in, and what do I have. The three guys who are there every morning at 6:30 always left me a $4 dollar tip. I am friendly with them; they always want to know what I am up to with my life. Whether I am or not though, they leave me those four dollars. And for the party of four they didn’t consider a little extra than the exact 15%. I treated them the same, if not better because they weren't as friendly back. As for the couple I served, they were a new face; I found a ten dollar bill under their plate.
Your regulars are the kind of customers who know about your car troubles, how you’re doing in school, and wonder about after school. They are wonderful people. Their tips never change which gives me mixed feelings about them. You get what you expect; what you got last Saturday. If I give them another OJ on me, they don't even notice. I swear they don't even look at the bill. And the mess their little ones make, do they know I have to clean that up every time before the next family sits down? The cut up French toast that their high-chaired little one threw on the floor, I don't think she had one bite. Sometimes I try to do it when they are leaving before they wave goodbye, maybe they will notice and up the tip a little next time. But they don't, I guess it was included in the beginning. Well thanks a lot, I forgot one of my customers OJ’s thinking about how your little one is going to be crying in a bit because she is hungry, and didn't eat any of this French toast. Amazingly, I still look forward to serving them and catching up on our week’s worth of stories. The kind of tippers I don't look forward to serving are the wackos, cheepos, the guests that have no idea how much my feet hurt after a Saturday of waiting tables. I make double the amount of trips for them yet nothing seems to please them. I always am sure to get them everything they need, even if I have a regular waiting for me because maybe, just maybe they will tip me better than my regulars. Walking up to the table to collect their half empty plates I ask, "How was everything?"
They respond, "Fine, thank you" or “It was O.K.”
Well, that's it, my service with them is over and I hope to find a good tip.
"What, what's this? My hopes are spoiled, here it is right here, my tip right on the napkin! How foolish of them to show they will only give out exactly what the norm says they should."
When I am done with them I think to myself, "They just had no idea how unsocial I felt this morning. How tired I was of all that extra syrup they asked for, why don't they just stay home and make their own god damn breakfast, and then they could have as much syrup as they damn well please!"
All the while I am trying to please them, I’m not too worried about my regulars because they know I get busy and I’m going to get the same amount from them anyway. I see the two new faces glancing over at me every few minutes.
“I haven’t been over to even ask how their meal is! Oh shit! He wanted a glass of milk with his meal! Those damn syrup lovers, don’t they know I have other customers, a person can only multitask to a certain extent!” I drop what ever it is I am doing and bring the man an ice cold glass of milk, they show little expression. This assured me just another “right on the money” tip or maybe less than that. I pick up their plates after they sneak out and here it is a new crisp ten dollar bill. Wow, now there is a couple who knows and understands what it is like to wait tables. It happened when I least expected it, as for most things in life.
Don’t get me wrong, waiting tables is a wonderful experience; I believe everyone should work with the public in some way. It changed who I was, socially. I’ll tell you though, some Saturdays I just want to spill my guts out to those syrup lovers and tell them, “Bring your own extra syrup or I’m going to have to charge you extra!”
“Could I have more ketchup? I said over easy not scrambled? I said French toast not pancakes”, when they really say pancakes. Sometimes I swear they change their minds when the food gets to the table. Whatever comment that agitates me that morning though, I keep a smile on and I have to admit, I do love running around singing along to the oldies music in the background.

Prompt 7

2005-10-24T11:46:00.000-04:00

31. Dump the trash bin on the floor, pull on your rubber gloves, and start hunting for the truth that only your throwaways know

My kitchen trash can has the most crap in it so i'll start with that one:
Man does it smell, I am not looking forward to this....here goes
reciepts that were paid by cash, pillsbury brownie classics box from the brownies I made last night, an egg shell from the egg sandwhich this morning, points won at shaws, a list of songs I made a cd from, five paper plates.......cya later trees, plastic produce bags u put tomatoes in from the market, the ends to onions i cut off because my boyfriend told me there is mercury in them... the seems to my jeans I cut off the other day because all my jeans are too damn long, or I am too damn short.
EWW I just lifted all the paper plates and I found moldy bread...rotten lettuce, a rice crispie treat package, the white seperaters that come between cheese that u buy pre-cut. I need some fresh air......................................................................................
wet, stinky, fliers from milo farmer's union, rite aid, walmart, and family dollar, a rotten tomato. A lot of vegetables go bad in my fridge...I forget about them. Ewww I can't go deeper, I'll go to the next trash can.
This one is next to my fridge...well the litter box really, I try to put the cat shit in a different bin than my kitchen one.
a broken down box to a 3 piece non-stick cookie pan set
three empty bottles and the box to Jack Daniels Downhome Punch
two empty bottles to Mike's Hard Berry
six bottles and the box to Bud Ice
three empty diet pepsi bottles
a verizon coupon
and three bags of my cat's shit
Now the bathroom........not sure if u want to read it but here goes:
the cap to our toothpaste.....why is that in there we are still using it
tissues beyond tissues
ripped up packages to our new heads of our power toothbrush thing
empty bottle of men's shaving cream
two old toothbrushes
kutips beyond kutips
2 empty bottles of shampoo
old shower rings
eyeliner that ran out
empty bottle of saline solution
Well, that wasn't that bad...guess it was the last trash that was nasty.

freestyle 7

2005-10-24T11:44:00.000-04:00

A good time with Joel:
When I was much younger, around 7 or 8, my family and I would drive down every weekend to visit my grandmother and my cousins who lived in the apartment upstairs from my her. We were commuting from Bedford, MA to Fall River, MA which is about an hour and a half on the interstate. My dad would drive and my mother would just bicker and criticize his driving until we got there. Of course, I was a kid so it didn't phase me much then, until I was old enough to not be able to block it out. My brother and I were too busy playing silly games in the back seat. Things like hand clapping games and stuff.
I remember it was Saturday afternoon when we had already been settled in. My grandmother was outside picking some corn she was going to boil with the delicious Portuguese dinner she loved to prepare for us. It is something about Portuguese women, they love feeding and watching the people they love eat. I never complained though.
My mom was in the bathroom. My brother, Joel, and I were in the living room fooling around. Joel was around 12 or 13 years old. We made up a game where he would take us on "the swing" which was him. He picked me up from my feet swung me back a forth, and then threw me onto the couch. It seems sort of violent, but it was a blast....Until I didn't land as planned.
After six or thirteen times of doing this, Joel set me down on the couch and my head slammed on the decorative wooden frame across the top of it. I wasn't sure what happened and Joel comforted me right away but he still didn't know what to do, there was blood everywhere.
"MOM!! MOM!!! Where are you mom?" I even knocked on the bathroom door and she didn't answer.
"Voavo!!" (Portuguese for grandma) Joel proceeded to tell her what happened in Portuguese because I never could speak it fluently, and my mouth was filled with blood.
"Madrinha!" (Joel calling my mom which was his godmother) I'm sorry, don't tell my dad please. His dad was really strict and he would have probably hit him if he ever found out what happened. My mom didn't want to tell him anyway because she knows her brother (Joel's dad) would have been reeeaaallllyyy pissed! We never did tell him, to this day he doesn't know.
"Let's go, we are going to go to my dentist" my grandfather from my dad said. Everyone got involved. My dad's parents lived next door to my mom's and so his dad was the only one with a car at the moment so he drove my mom and I to the dentist.
I screamed as they pulled my two front teeth out as well as one on the side. I had no teeth for years because they weren't ready to come out of course. However, I never needed braces and I always said I had perfect teeth all thanks to Joel.

Graph 14

2005-10-22T15:28:00.000-04:00

Progress report
I just thought of something...preparing my first Thanksgiving dinner. I am comfortable with my cooking topic right now, but I just need to narrow it down I feel like I am still searching. While reading sample isearches and thinking about your reactions like "what kinds of dishes" and such, I thought how about Thanksgiving Dinner? That's a dish isn't it?

Intro 2

2005-10-22T15:24:00.000-04:00

Serving food for four years puts you at an advantage as to what you should expect as a tip from most. First you have your regulars whom tips remainthe same, good or bad. Then you have the "right on" customers. The ones who do the math on the napkin...$1.75, $.50, or $2.26. Finally, you have the random guests. People you have never seen before and leave you 5 or 10 dollars! You always hope those return and wonder if you treated tham as best you can.

Prompt 6

2005-10-22T15:04:00.000-04:00

You haven't been there since you were a kid, now you go back
When I had to go to my cousins funeral, I spent most of the time with the side of the family that isn't related to me ,but I grew up with them all. I have been back to Fall River, MA but I haven't seen this side of the family in about 8-9 years. Kids were not kids, they were 13, 16, or 19. It was amazing. I used to visit them and play in their yards all the time. Everyone has a vegetable garden in my family and when I was younger I would pick stuff, like Portuguese grapes or figs. When I found my self playing outside with my cousins 3 yr old son- another strange change, I looked around. This stunned me, every thing seemed smaller. When I was younger it looked like a HUGE house with five peach trees fitting across the lawn. I noticed there was only one, and there was always only one. The world just seems so much bigger when your a child.

Graph 13

2005-10-22T15:00:00.000-04:00

Reaction to Classification Essays
When skimming through classification essasys, Amanda Lockard's essay caught my eye mainly because it began with a quote. It didn't have a title so I had no idea what to expect but once I read the first sentence I thought.. "Hmm this sounds familiar." I found it really interesting to hear the telemarketers point of view. I have played the role of each one of the three kinds of cutomers she talked about. I usually just hang up though, it gave me an idea on what I should write about, the job I use to have.

Graph 10

2005-10-22T14:49:00.000-04:00

Reaction to sample i search
When I was looking at sample isearches I really skimmed through them reading part of each one. The one that caught my eye was "The Fright of Labor and Delivery" By Kassy Wakefield. I thought "what a great topic ...and to be actually experiencing it was even better." She found a lot of information particularly about the delivery process. She explained what kinds of druges she could take or things she could do to ease the pain. Kassy told about the effects that some of the drugs would have on the baby. I enjoyed reading all the different topics and had some ideas pop up just by observing the set-up and purpose of writing in sections. I feel more confident and have a better idea how everything is supposed to come together.

I-Search part III

2005-10-14T11:33:00.000-04:00

What I know

What do I know about cooking? I know that you start by following a recipe...overtime I may memorize it and after certain experiences I could learn what I can add to make it my own. I know how to boil an egg or pasta, I know how to cook an egg any way you like it, it just might not come out perfect. I can tell when chicken, fish, or meat is done. I can tell when muffins are cooked. I know how to boil vegetables but I haven't tried steaming them. I know not to use stainless steel utensils in a caphalon pan because it will scratch it up and get into your food. I know to add salt when you are boiling pasta because it boils quicker. I also know to boil your vegetables with pasta, it's kind of like killing two birds with one stone. I know milk and butter make a creamy sauce, of course you need the right seasoning though. I know to marinade your meat at least a day or more in advance, and to pound your meat or poultry if you want it tender. I know you need a certain knife to cut bread, vegetables, and meat or poultry. I know, from experience, not to overcook small chicken wings because they will just fall apart when you pick them up to eat. I know not to add too much soy sauce if you sautee some brocolli with it because it will be way to salty. I know I need to learn a lot more about seasoning and what kinds of foods to mix and match when coming up with a meal.

I-Search part II

2005-10-14T11:18:00.000-04:00

My motivation
I want to learn how to cook well for myself for one thing, for my family in the future, to be able to have family members over on special occasions and cook well for them, and for my boyfriend. I know the basics of cooking but I just haven't mastered bringing everything together, measuring amounts of ingredients, or developing my own recipes. These are my goals, I want to become that cook who people admire because I just throw stuff together and come up with a delicious meal yet still have a clean kitchen afterwards. I want to have confidence in myself that whatever I end up throwing in or not throwing in, it is going to be delicious. Of course this means I am going to have mistakes that go with every meal I practice on and I'm not sure how long it may take to get where I want to be, I would imagine years of experience. How do you know exactly what spices can go into certain meals and make it have that special taste? What if the amount the recipe says to put in of something just doesn't seem enough? How much more do I put in and what else should I add to make it even? Sometimes the damn supermarket just doesn't have something I need for a certain recipe, I want to learn how to substitute, how do I know what to turn to? These questions are really important to me but I don't even know where to go to to have them answered, ask a cook? The internet is always a good source I suppose, I get frustrated with that too though. I just want all of my stuff homemade, freeze that, and throw it on the stove to heat up. I am tired of buying a bag of a frozen dinner, I want to grab a bag of my own meal that I froze to heat up.

Prompt # 4

2005-10-12T11:27:00.000-04:00

Take a look at a photo of a person. What do you see?

Everytime I open my CD case I see her. Her hair falling from all sides but still up in a pony tail. I see a ciggerette, unlit, in her mouth and I can see her shoulder turned in such a way that screams, "Lighter, Please!" I see her stickers from outside her window and on her stearing wheel. Three bears dancing in such a colorful pattern. I remember they were the leftover ones from the sheet of The Grateful Dead bumper stickers she bought at the cape that summer. The blue sky and blurr from out her window says everything about that day. Her sunglasses tell it was a sunny day. Her shirt, barely there, says it was a hot one. The ciggerette and half the smile I can see show excitment, like we are on our way to a concert. The blurr from out her window reminds me we had to be going 75. The shade of the picture itself shows that the picture is already years old. It seems just like last summer I saw her in that very same position with that very same look of excitment, but it wasn't. It was just the picture from all the times I went for a CD.

Graph # 11

2005-10-12T11:18:00.000-04:00

Reaction to Cause essay

I had a really hard time picking a topic and right when the assignment was given I had a terible tradegy happen in my family. For the time I was gone, I knew I had to pick a topic and I just couldn't. I asked people for some ideas even and they had nothing. Finally, when I got back, John helped me decide it was best to write about what happened. It helped me deal with it, writing is always something i've turned to when I am upset so it seemed perfect. I found that it was hard to organize and was a little scared to be posting it or having John read it. I just spilled out my thoughts and feelings and didn't do such a good job at narrowing it down. A river of words sounds like the perfect way to describe it. I am glad I got it all out and it will be something I keep and look back on years from now. However, I now have to pick a new topic and I am back where I started, what the hell.

I-Search part I

2005-10-07T11:25:00.000-04:00

Backround

I always admired people who cook. When I was younger I always wanted to help my mom. Even if it was to do the dishes after, that was what I would do. I think that is why I'm not the best cook because my mom wouldn't cook with me, she would have me do the other things besides cooking! After a while she didn't cook so much because she worked at a school cafetieria and was sick of it. When we moved to Chelmsford, MA from the air force base in Bedford, MA, we quickly became friends with our neighbors, Sally, Joe, and their daughter Elizabeth. I often went over there and sat oppisite of the kitchen at the counter. Sally would have me cut things up the "right" way, she would talk about what she puts in first and why, and the certain spices that always give it that extra boost.
A few years later, when I was in seventh grade, I became best friends with a girl who moved to MA from NY. We grew really close. Eventually her mother left her husband and was living alone with Jacquie, my best friend. She is an excellent cook as well. She would often invite me over for dinner. I always asked how she got her croutons so soft yet still crunchy, or how she steamed her vegetables so perfectly. Her steaks her always so tender and her kitchen stayed so clean when she cooked. One year she had me over for Thanksgiving and that was it, I had to get every recipe for every damn thing she had made.
That Christmas she bought me a recipe box and stuck in a few of her own, I was so grateful. I still haven't tried the spagetti sauce, I am so curious to know if it will come out like her always did. She never asked me to help cook, she was pretty strict about her pots and pans, I would be too if I paid a lot of money for mine. When I met my boyfriend and began really seeing him, I remembered the saying "The way to a mans heart is through his stomach." Something along those lines anyway. I tried cooking for him, often in his own kitchen which was odd. I made myself right at home though and only cooked things I've seen my mother cook, over and over again. So I started to try some new things. I figured out that if he finishes the whole dish that night, he doesn't like it because that way he doesn't have to eat it for left overs. We don't have many left overs. I'm still trying to make that one dish he will go crazy over...I have a feeling it is right around the corner too.

Prompt Reaction # 3

2005-10-05T17:16:00.000-04:00

Him and I
Him- wow she has boobs now
Me- Ewww! don't look there!
Him- Hows school
Me- it's almost over, I can't wait to be out
Him- Yeah don't do what I did
Me- I wish you didn't, you could be a genius
Him- Nah, not my thing

One Year Later
Him- Don't worry, Don't cry...It's going to be alright
Me- I know, he was too young.
Him- I know, he was my best friend
Me- I remember looking across the hallway in your house and watching Jordan sleep in one little spot because you took over the bed and I was doing the same because your sister took over the bed.
Him- No way, that's so wierd...I guess we do sleep the same
Me- Yeah....

Two years Later
Mom- Shanette, did you have money in your purse?
Me- yes, why?!
Mom- Get up here and check your purse...see if it is still there.
Me- No mom, it isn't
Mom- GO INSIDE AND TALK TO HIM! RIGHT NOW
Me- (shaking) Joel, did you take my money?
Him- What are you talking about? I didn't take any fuckin money!
Me- Joel, I know you did, you can have it I don't care...I just want you to tell me. Please, I love you anyway, just admit it to me.
Him- I didn't take your fuckin money! Search me, go ahead I don't have anything on me!

Three Years Later
Me- I'm so sorry I didn't visit you, you were only 40 minutes away at that rehab. I hadn't seen you in so long and was looking forward to that next smile of how much I've grown. I learned to hate your music but now I leave it on in case your near me and want to listen. I would have done anything to help you, I never even confronted you about your problems. I felt I wasn't supposed to know, but I did. When you stole money out of my purse that year it didn't bother me honestly, I just wanted you to admit to it. I realize now that you hid it in the bathroom, but thats ok. I forgive you. It was only 40 bucks anyway. It wasn't worth this though, that's for sure. Man I'm gunna miss you...you were a cool dude, when you weren't high. But even when you were, like at Jason's wedding, you still smiled...when your eyes weren't rolling in the back of your head, and you still had that twinkle in your eye. Just like you always do. I love you so much. I can't wait to meet with you again...I'm going to hug you Oh So Tight....I don't know if I will be able to let go.....Honestly Joel, you might have to peel me off.

Freestyle week # 3.....My car accident

2005-09-23T11:28:00.000-04:00

I have been in plenty of accidents as a passenger. My friends weren't the best at paying attention to the road. It was always about the tunes, their ciggerette, or.....takin a sip of their drink. I do the same, but I just feel I don't take my eyes off the road, I would rather burn myself, take a while to find a tune, or spill my drink (happens to me almost every morning). I have only been in one accident in my few years of driving.
It was July 31st...middle of summer. The summer right after graduating high school. It was the best summer i have ever had thats for sure, even with this accident. Myself and three of my girlfriends were on our way to a concert....The Dead ( I know I know it isn't the same without Jerry Garcia but hey we take what we can get.) Anyway, they played two shows back to back and this was the second night we were going to. Where I am from, there is traffic, and no not like here in Bangor. Much, much more. That is part of the reason I came here to get the hell away from all that traffic! This is going to be hard to explain but I will do my best.
I was coming off the highway from picking up my last buddy. Coming up to a really busy intersection called "Drum Hill rotary", speed limit is about 30 and I slowed down to 25 because the light was red as I was putting my blinker on getting off the highway. As I slowly creeped up the off ramp the light had been green and there were three lanes of traffic to my right. I had no vision of anything crossing in front of those cars, of course why would their be? We had a green light! Well, creeping up at 30 miles an hour, WHAM!!!!!!!! Really it sounded and felt absolutely HORRIFIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My windshield was dented in towards me, I had shattered glass all over my long bright colored skirt.....Shaking frantically I pressed my foot down as hard as I could, threw my car into park, and looked up; the whole intersection froze. I picked up my phone and dialed 911 but dropped it at some point as I lost my breath when I looked over and saw a young adolecent boy down on the pavement with a pool of blood RIGHT NEAR HIS HEAD!!!
I remember an older man holding my hands saying he's all right look he's moving his leg...I cried and screamed. I looked around, "this is a dream this has to be I didn't even see him." I didn't know what I hit until it was over. Volunteers got out to help the boy and then they took my away in an abulance, for shock I guess. I wasn't injured phycially. Anyway, there it is. It was pretty traumatic. I am very jumpy when I have to drive around people or I "didn't see someone." Even though it happened when I least expected it.

Graf # 8

2005-09-21T11:32:00.000-04:00

They say she never had a mother who took the time to teach her how to clean. Would that make you feel better about leaving your children with her? I didn't know you had to be taught how to clean up a mess but this lady sure could have used a lesson or two.
She ran a daycare in her home, she had her certificates hanging on her wall but they were all two years passed the expiration date. On top of the daycare she worked as a food server at some restaurant. I babysat for her. Sometimes she would leave me, at 14 years old, with her daycare kids too! We're talking her two kids plus three or four more. I don't know what I was thinking. All for $5/hour. I use to bring my own blanket over to sit on the floor with. She had ants crawling all through her couch. The smell from the dishes in her sink kept me out of the kitchen. I don't think she ever moped, vaccumed or dusted. I dont even remember there being a vaccum, OR A SPONGE!!! Her children would beg me to take a bath because they "didn't have one in a really long time." Of course they were only kids and they do say the darnest things. So I hoped they really did but that that was just their way of begging for it.
I didn't know how to tell her I couldn't babysit for her anymore. Finally, one night when I was there, her youngest boy had a stomach bug. He threw up in two places. I wasn't about to clean up her kids puke....one; because I didn't know how the hell to clean up puke and two; I would have puked myself and that bathroom was a whole other story. I told her when she got in and said "ok that's perfect I will clean it up as soon as you leave." Sure enough, three days later...I walk in and notice the towels that I put over the puke STILL THERE! I confronted her, "Is that still the puke from Brian?" She looked at me with a smerk, I said "no way, you need to find someone else" and I walked out that door.

Graf # 7

2005-09-21T11:22:00.000-04:00

By the time I am fifty I think I will have at least two rooms, or my whole basement filled boxes of........cards. Birthday cards, Christmas cards, Easter cards, thank you cards, get well, sympathy, or thinking of you. I keep them all. They are so thoughtful and I already have about four boxes full. Of course I have to find a decorative box or make one myself for them. It's nice on a snowed in night to go through them. I always find someone I can write a letter to who I haven't heard from in a while.

Prompt Reaction Week # 2

2005-09-19T11:21:00.000-04:00

Responding to - "What do you think about this journal"

That was a very moving journal. I liked the way she kept it though, month by month. I wonder if she really started it when her daughter was born or after all that happened. I hope to keep a journal of my children someday. Her way of doing it was really cleaver, in my opinion. I wouldn't have thought to keep it month by month. How do you decide which things to include or not? I think she is a good writer, she included certain things she felt and thought like when they were at the beach and her daughter came to sit on her lap and she could remember thinking...........It wasn't so moving just because of what happened to her daughter but the way she told what happened each month. And the young girl at the end.....that gave me the chills. Where did you find this? Was it just a random blog?

Graf # 5

2005-09-14T11:24:00.000-04:00

A lot of stuff to have on a coffee table in my opinion. It all fits however and says I leave stuff lying around for a while. Reciepts are always around because of my constant use of my debit card. Things usually don't get completly clean when I clean. The crumbs and dishes will disappear but notebooks, pens, paper, reciepts, and batteries will always be lying around. I always wondered how I fit so much stuff on my coffee table at a time but after organizing it, I am just able to add more!

Graf # 4

2005-09-13T16:36:00.000-04:00

On my coffee table.....

A lit candle...Autumn Splendor scented "Seasonal Scents"
A red three ring binder with a syllabi and more required for one of my classes
A dirty bowl with a fork and a piece of watermelon left over from my fruit salad earlier
An empty glass that was filled with diet Pepsi earlier
Crumbs from the popcorn last night
My cell phone
A disclosure and Consent form that is required from students in the Early Childhood Education program...Signed
An accent highlighter, yellow
The TV remote
One papermate black pen
Two black rimmed cork centered coasters
No brand dental floss
8 pk double A duracell battery pack with only five in it now
Two "gone bad" no brand double A batteries
VCR remote
DVD remote
One wireless ps2 controller....clear
One black and one red 4 X 6 inch composition note pads
A yellow post it marked "left message 279013"
receipt from MacDonald for $5.77 paid cash
receipt from hannaford with my birthday cake on it for $9.99 paid debit
Emcc envelope with enrollment services information inside
One bill with interest that has acquired on one of my student loans
One walmart receipt for $42.39 paid debit
Two quarters, a dime, and two pennies
The lease to our apartment we still haven't signed because it says no pets and we have a cat.

Graf # 2

2005-09-12T11:31:00.000-04:00

Worst Teacher

I've had many. The worst teacher was my old geometry teacher. In the beginning I thought I just hated geometry so much that I hated the teacher, but it couldn't have been any worse. It was in high school and I was a sophmore. I was in a class with all juniors and seniors, well they were supposed to be anyway. They obviously failed the class numerous times before so I got stuck with them. Real mean people too, they would always pick on me and make fun of me because of my portuguese back round. I guess they were racist, or they were just trying to make the best out of that 90 minute class. He would never do a damn thing about it because all he did was teach the board. Circles, squares, triangles, 90 degree angles, 180 degree angles, I guess we knew more than the board. All five months and he still didn't know our names, again because he didn't try to teach us, the board was apparently the one getting the grade. He wouldn't allow us to have a break after a while because those "juniors and seniors" would never come back on time. I was so worried because I wasn't learning anything, I couldn't even HEAR him half the time. He would just keep talking....to the board, as the other classmates joked and laughed at him, me, or whoever was their knew pick of the week. He never tried to learn our names. He sat us in alphabetical order so he would just set the pile of homework or exams on one desk and the students were responsible for taking their own out of the pile.
He passed me however, by one point, a 66. I know he chose to pass me because I didn't pass one exam the entire semester.
A teacher without a personality, without a will to want to teach or communicate with students is, in my opinion, the worst teacher. That was my geometry teacher.

Prompt Reaction Week # 1

2005-09-10T16:02:00.000-04:00

"Alone in a quiet room. Listen. What do you hear?"

Cars drive by at 70 mph, I know I do. They are pretty loud, they are at least doing 55 considering that is the speed limit. Trucks sound like they are always carrying a ton with them. It all crashes down onto eachother after each bump they encounter on their ride.
A car door, now a garage door. My landlord has land that goes on forever, so the work never ends. Cutting up wood seems to be their main duty, they are going to try to be conservative with the heat usage this winter all thanks to katrina.
My fridge is trying so hard to get back to the temperature it was before I loaded it with groceries. I guess I let out a little too much cold air. It's not a normal size fridge, one size down I guess you would call it. Phew! Time for it to take a break, there goes another car.
My typing is sort of annoying, I hear that. As well as the gum in my mouth as it smooshes into the groves of my teeth. Can you hear candles burn? I lit two because I was freezing, they really do warm up a room. I think that is the whisper I hear. My cat sighs a lot. She misses her brother, she must.
It is pretty windy out today, I thought I heard the trees as I looked over I realized it sure was them doing circles out there.
My thoughts on what I should write next have taken over all the small sounds I hear. And now my cat is up and wants the keyboard more than I do.

Graf # 1

2005-09-07T17:08:00.000-04:00

I just got done picking one of my many scabs from those damn cigerettes I smoke. Burning my fingers doesn't even phase me anymore. It usually happens when I am driving. As I go to flick the ash out the window I most of the time loose my grip on it. It slides down to the head and there you go, two more blisters right where the previous two just healed. Another scar I know is there but you can barely notice it anymore is one from when I was younger. I fell on my left hand onto a curb when the chain fell off my bike. I had just come down a hill might I add. They are very small and on my left hands middle finger. You will never find my fingernails long, I keep them just long enough to peel something like a sticker, otherwise I bite them off. Nor will I ever have them painted or "done". The only decoration you will find on my hands is a sterling silver turqouise ring that I never take off.
My hands are pretty good at handeling scorching hot plates as well as balancing a tray of food or drinks. I worked at a diner for four years as a waitress so they are pretty experienced at that. My hands can also be very still and neat. Mostly because they have had a lot of pratice with painting and drawing. I also love to sew, threading a needle only takes a split second.